Diary of a miserable man
- My father was a jerk. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
- When I was born, the doctor came to the waiting room and said to my father:
"We did all we could..... but he came out".
- My mother never gave me breast milk because she said she only saw me as a friend.
- My father carries in his wallet a photo of the child that was already in the wallet when he bought it.
- I soon realized that my parents hated me: my bath toys were a toaster
and a radio.
- I once got lost. I asked the police if he thought we would find my parents. He answered:
"I don't know, kid ...... there are many places where they can hide."
- The last wish of my dying father was for me to sit on his lap.
(He was in the electric chair.)
- I worked in a pet shop. People kept asking
when I was going to grow up.
- When I was kidnapped, the kidnappers sent my father a piece of my finger. My father said he wanted more proof.
- Once I came to the health authorities. They offered me a cigarette.
- One day a girl called me home saying, "come to my house, there is no one home". When I got there in effect there was no one.
- My wife likes to talk to me after sex.
The other day she called me from a hotel.
- Once I ingested a whole bottle of tranquilizers. The doctor told me:
"Have a drink and lay down
for a while. "
- The psychiatrist told me I was going crazy. I told him I wanted a second opinion. "Alright, you're ugly too. "
- Once I was suicidal. I was going to jump from a tenth floor building. They sent a priest to help.
His words of encouragement were "ready, set ....".
